Struck

Struck 

I met a family at the door of the Emergency Department on my rounds throughout the department's waiting rooms. Visibly shaken, one of the women asked if the ambulance that carried her husband had arrived. When I went to check on the ambulance's status, the Triage nurse asked me to escort the myriad of folks now assembling in droves, thanks to text and Twitter to the Family Room inside the Emergency Department. About a half hour later, which seems like eternity when you're waiting for news about someone in trauma crisis, the attending physician came to tell the man's wife, his children and family and friends that despite every attempt to save the man, the medical team lost him. That reality is always very difficult for clinicians, whose goal is to save lives, not lose them. The man was 46 years old and healthy until the day that he died. "Some people linger for a long time," his tearful wife reflected. "Sometimes quickly is best." I marveled at her acceptance despite her own broken heart.  

Caught unprepared

Unexpected death happens every day. More often than not, many, many people, even the most elderly ones go without a health care proxy, advance directives and pre-paid funerals. When people struggle just to make ends meets, paying an attorney and a funeral director for events that seem a long way off or unimaginable get back-burnered or dismissed entirely. However, when a death, especially a sudden death does occur, being caught unprepared can often times be accompanied by denial, leaving the survivors of the deceased person in an emotional and financial cul-de-sac. Not only must the family grieve the loss of the person who died but assume the fiscal responsibilities that accompany death. Grief is a process that cannot be hurried but so often and for so many people who find themselves without a community of faith and religious belief, grief becomes lost in the business of death and what ensues in the wake of survivors recovery.  

Cultural attitudes impact action

Different cultures adopt a variety of philosophies that inform their health care practices as well as their religious beliefs within their own faith traditions, or lack thereof. Futurist Ian Morrison claims that "Canadians embrace death, Europeans accept death, Americans put death off as long as possible and Californians are trying to find a way to reincarnate." (Truth often finds its most lucid moments within humor.) In my experience within pastoral practice within myriad settings, Morrison's insight provides a turn-key opportunity for Catholic parishes, schools and colleges in the Unites States to provide educational opportunities in the multiple rites and rituals and the beautiful options provided in the Order of Christian Funerals, practical resources such as pro-bono advice and assistance from professionals in the fields of law, health care, in funeral planning and parish ministries of support and care.

Language matters

Today, we mourned the death of Philip Seymore Hoffman whose Mass of Christian Burial was celebrated at St. Ignatius Church in New York City. Will we remember Mr. Hoffman's brilliant acting career and thank God that he lived among us and shared his gifts with us for too brief a time? Or will we remember him for his drug addition that led to his early passing? 

Today, the Roncalli Center also received news that a former Catholic presbyter passed away after struggling with cancer, obesity, pedophilia and heart disease. Will his diocese remember him for his failures or for his gifts as a preacher, as a charismatic spiritual leadership to his parish and Catholic school for many years and as an early supporter of the Permanent Diaconate, which he served as an teacher and mentor, generously providing liturgical and social hospitality for permanent deacons and their families every year on the Feast of St. Stephen, deacon and martyr on December 26? 

How does the Body of Christ pray for the dead instead of judging the dead? How can we better prepare members of the Body of Christ to live into the dying and rising of its life's work as a baptized, reconciling Church rather than working against the proverbial and individualistic grain? Can the faith of the baptized be renewed and nourished through the work of the liturgy and what ensues as an outcome of communal prayer? 

In the absence 

In the often under-utilized Vigil for the Deceased, perhaps we can take solace in the language that reminds us that no matter how unprepared we may be to embrace and accept death, there are many mansions in God's house where all saints and sinners depend on the love and mercy of God to find a home. Maybe we can begin to believe that as survivors of those people who leave us, many times unexpectedly and too soon that God is most present when we believe that God is absent. May we be struck with unexpected grace that helps us to find what we need when we need it most.  

Prayer

My brothers and sisters, we believe that all the ties of friendship and affection which knit us as one throughout our lives do not unravel with death.

Confident that God always remembers the good we have done and forgives our sins, let us pray, asking God to gather (the person) to himself. 

Lord, in our grief we turn to you. Are you not the God of love who open your ears to all? 

Listen to our prayers for your servant (the person), whom you have called out of this world:

lead (the person) to your kingdom of light and peace and count (the person) among the saints of glory. 

We ask this through Christ our Lord. 

Amen. 

From the Vigil for the Deceased, Order of Christian Funerals, 87